Anger

 

This was me last night.

Gracie had a rough day at feeding therapy. 

We had no AC upstairs and the electrician was supposed to come at 4:30. He didn't come till 6:30. Then I had to clear the attic way( which of All Stupid Things is in our spare room closet???????) and I was specifically told  I WOULD NOT have to do this by a certain party who shall remain unnamed)

All these fun things always happen when that certain person is out of town FOR THE WEEK! Leaving me alone with the child all day and all night!!

I told the repairman what that other person told me to tell him about the air conditioners condition- he looked at me (like they all do) like I was stupid. Then he said "well I will Have To go into the attic ANYWAY!!!!" 

Ok so- he goes up and does his thing and I have to clean out the closet and GUESS WHAT?!? It was low on freon as My husband said it was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Then as we were talking about how cold it felt downstairs, he makes the comment-----wait for it---------

"You know, cold air falls."

😑😑

Then after he leaves, I put Grace to bed.

She goes up willingly but then jumps out and goes onto her swing. And I'm like oh ok you want to swing a while. She cuddles cutely with her frog then tells me to go! So I stupidly think ok she will swing a little then crawl in bed. 

I go downstairs and break open the EPOOs (emergency purposes only Oreos) and not 10 minutes later I hear what sounds like a heavy body being dragged across the floor upstairs. So I run up the stairs! You must understand - there are only 2 things in her room that haven't been nailed down or put away for safety issues--the carpet and her dresser. 

Well neither of those were where they were supposed to be. So.... 

That's it- Anger took over the console in my brain and I exploded- I yelled so loud and so much I hurt my throat.

I think I scared her too. She started to yell at me then thought better of it and put her puppy over her head. Then...

 Sadness--

Then I start thinking how bad a parent I am. She can't control this. She's not getting the physical stimulation she needs because of being at feeding therapy all day so she has to get it somewhere. 

How do we as parents get through the day? How do we pull back from the brink of despair or ANGER day after day.

I guess I just answered my own question with the picture below. I guess for all the anger, fear, disgust and sadness that goes with being a parent, the JOY outweighs the rest. 

Maybe Joy will come tomorrow. 

I hope so.