Learn something new every day.

Today we went to the clinic and Gracie played with the occupational therapist, Trisch. A little basic information about OT:

A child with delayed development may not show behaviors and abilities that are typical of the child’s age. A child may have difficulty swallowing, sucking, and chewing; developing coordinated tongue movements for speech; achieving independence in feeding, dressing, and using the bathroom; understanding relationships between people, objects, time, and space; and developing problem-solving and coping strategies.

Occupational therapists who work with children are knowledgeable about stages of development and the appropriate milestones in a child's physical, mental, and behavioral development.


Trisch played with Gracie for an hour. She watched how Gracie played with toys and with her. She introduced a big tub of raw pasta noodles and toys and I was curious to see how Gracie would deal with that. Gracie wouldn't touch it, even with one of her favorite toys in it. Trisch told me that sensory development (touch) is also linked to the mouth. When one doesn't fully develope, it affects the other senses.
Trisch said to introduce massage to her to help with getting her to let us touch and hug her. Also we are going to use some sign language to facilitate speech. I should have learned sign language a long time ago.
As I watch each of these ladies working with Gracie, I am fascinated. I am seeing what I should have studied in college when I had the opportunity. It would have been nice to have had SOME guidance at that time. But I guess I didn't think I had the ability or the patience to work with kids at that time. Now I see that I do and maybe God led me to Gracie to open up another door for me.

OT. PT. IEP. WOW!

I am learning a new language. It's a language my sister learned it when when she found out her three year old son had Asperger's Syndrome. The language of Special Education. Now I get to take a turn. My head is spinning!
We had two days of therapy in a row at Advent, well, one inhome and one at the clinic and I am amazed. Because Gracie is nonverbal, she cries as a form of communication. We are trying to differentiate her " I am hungry" cry from her "I need this" cry from her real hurt/afraid cry and how to respond to them, because they are her conversation. We have to learn to speak "Gracie" so we can get Gracie to learn to speak english.
They are trying to get her interested in food to at least keep it in a close proximity to her. Yesterday Carey Anne, the swallowing specialist sucked on a lollipop around her. It was enough to get her to want to have her own lollipop, if she wasn't going to suck on it. Today she blew bubbles in a cup of water. That was fine till Carey Anne put some water on Gracie's hand. Hey I don't like that! she said.
It is very interesting to watch her. She was sitting with Carey Anne, looking in a mirror, when she reached out her hand to her reflection and suddenly realized she was watching herself. It threw her off balance and scared her to the point where she started to cry. Then she sat in her lap and comforted herself with her thumb and blanket and, almost instantly, fell asleep. She shut herself off when it became to much for her.
Everyone says she is so sweet. And she really is. With all these people helping her, including her Auntie A., she's got alot of help on the road ahead. Hopefully, mommy will be able to keep up with her.

More on attachment.

Joy Lin was 13 months old when we met her. We all bonded immediately,( except for the time we gave her a suppository to get her to "poo-poo"- I think she thought better of the new-found trust she had given us at that point!). In fact, all of the families , for the most part, bonded by the end of our two week journey. Most of our children were under 15 months though.
Our trip with Gracie was different. Some of the girls bonded with just the dad, to the point that mom wasn't allowed to do anything almost. One bonded mostly to mom. Gracie seemed to be fine with either of us. But she cried.... ALOT-when we were out in public. In the quiet of our hotel rooms, she was totally different.
I Do feel that Gracie is bonding with us and is an integral part of our family. But affection is taking a long time coming to an impatient mama.
I have been doing some reading and found some points about attachment:

For normal emotional development, babies need a primary caregiver who responds quickly, consistently and lovingly to their demands, so they learn that their needs for food, clean diapers, pain relief, etc will be met. Through these interactions, they develop trust and attachment. Babies need to feel that their world is safe and secure. The baby has an internal cycle of need-rage-relief-trust, which should be completed hundreds and hundreds of times. Babies also need a one-on-one interaction with a caring individual who cuddles, plays interactive games, sings and talks to them. They need to be touched, to receive and give smiles, and to get lots of eye contact from a loving caregiver. This consistent, constant, warm and playful interaction with the caregiver is how a baby learns to receive and to give love.


Orphanages cannot provide continuous individual one-on-one care. In many institutions, a succession of nurses give minimal physical care, changing diapers infrequently, occasionally washing the babies, and propping bottles so the babies feed themselves. Babies are left alone for long hours in their cribs. With a ratio of one caregiver to perhaps ten or twenty babies, she cannot attend to each infant when the baby cries from hunger, pain, and discomfort, or for attention. When she does not respond to crying, the babies never learn to trust that their demands will be met. Nor do they get the cuddling, baby games, baby talk, and other playful interaction they need.. As a result, babies may give up trying to get their needs met, and feel only the emotions of rage, helplessness, fear and shame, never developing the trust, and the sense that the world is safe and secure, that are essential for successful attachment.



I don't see Gracie never developing trust. SHe has come SO FAR from the little crying girl that we met in September. I am just in a hurry for hugs and kisses. So I guess I will have to cherish tickles and when she falls asleep on my lap for now!

Frustration. Mine and Hers.

Sometimes Gracie gets so mad that she slams her hands on the floor hard, or sometimes her head. There is frustration on both our parts because I cant help her and she can't tell me what she needs.
We had our second "class" at the feeding clinic today. We had a step forward over the weekend. Thanks to Aunt Peewee and Grammy Pottie, she is now taking fruit in her formula and rice to expose her to flavors if not food. But back to class. There were 3 other kids there and I guess they wanted to see how she would react to other kids who were eating. She didn't really interact with them and kept to her own. But then they had plates for all the kids with raisins and applesauce and crackers on it. The other three kids started munching right away. Gracie wouldn't have anything to do with it. She went looking for an exit. That's what she does when she is in a situation she doesn't like. So I got her a bottle and we sat with the other kids, but once again but would have nothing to do with the food. I can''t really say that she was watching them eat. She might have been. So I know for sure that this is going to be a REALLY long process.
It breaks my heart when she cries and I cannot comfort her. That's supposed to be my job. She has been so long without anyone to do that for her she does it herself. I cannot even get her to put her arm around my neck, for nothing other that to support herself when I carry her. I read that sometimes it takes as long as the child was in the institution for them to fully allow themselves to trust and love their new family. I guess that will just be a really long process too. But it will truly be worth the wait.

Playing with food.

Well, we can't get her to play with people food but I found her today in the laundry room playing with Hershey's food. Maybe I should put cheerios on a bowl on the floor. Or candy in the dog food bowl like in "Despicable Me"( currently our favorite movie)

Food therapy 2.

Well, we took our first step at the feeding clinic. It was mostly play but they seem to be working out a plan for Gracie. We got in the car and I had to wrap her arm straps in her seat with a bungee chord because the little houdini can work her way out of them faster than I can hook them up. Well, that ticked her off and she was still mad when we got to the clinic. This falls under occupational therapy. She gets mad when I first dress her in the morning, then she gets over it. Occupational therapy. She pulls her sleeves AND her pant legs UP before she takes her bottle. (Occupational Therapy) But the county early intervention unit said she only needed speech therapy. OK then.
They had her eat while we were there. Evidently they didn't believe me when I said she doesn't eat ANY food. So they tried applesauce and rice krispies on a plate. All they did was put it on the table next to her while she drank her bottle and she stopped drinking and started gretzing. So this will be an interesting journey.
They told me that the kind of "fake crying" she does is communication. It's her only way of expressing herself right now. We are supposed to " bombard" her with words and sentences. She need to become familiar with words.
I wish I would have known about this field when I was in college. At that time, I felt like I could never teach because I wouldn't be good with kids and I would never be comfortable in front of kids. Now I know that I would like to do is help and play with and teach kids that need a little extra. I guess I have some researching to do.
I have already told Joy LIn that she is not going to college until she knows what she wants to do with her life in a job that she will be happy doing. It's the only way to make the education worthwhile.
That's what guidance councilors should tell high school kids.

Sisters.

I realize that all my posts are about Gracie. Mostly because she is new to us, as we are to her, but also because we are experiencing new things that we have never been through before. However, there are times when I feel that the 8 year old is more of a challenge than the 2 year old WITH all her concerns. She was so polite when she was 2. She would say "Please, may I have that?" She would listen. Not anymore.
Why do they grow up so fast? She was just a little girl last summer. Now she's a young lady ( I use that term loosely.) I keep telling her that her room reminds me of a pig sty. "What's that, mom?" Where pigs eat. .....(crickets).... NO RESPONSE. The only way I can get her to clean the pig sty is to threaten to cancel any playdates till she goes to college.
Yes , I know, I have another one that will probably be the same way in 6 years but I cherish the innocent time while I can.

Seriously, I have been blessed many times over and I will enjoy everyday of the journey as mom to two girls from China.

Responsibility.

Last year there was a news story about a woman decided she could no longer care for her 7-year old adopted son, so she had her mother put him on a plane back to Russia, ALONE. This case sent shockwaves through the International adoption community so strong that even those of us adopting from other countries feared the fallout from this disaster. No matter what problems the child may have, there is no excuse for such behavior. Last month's Good Housekeeping magazine had a piece on two families who had difficulties with their adoptions but chose to deal with them instead of run away from them. They accepted their responsibilities as parents.
One of the two families was very similar to our own adoption story in that they adopted a 2 year old girl from China , but that is the only similarity. However, I found the piece interesting because it seems like alot of people have the concept that bonding with your new child will occur instantly. That is not the case in most cases.
With this family, the father went over to pick up the child while the mother stayed at home with their two boys. From the start the father told the mother the child was "angry", "freaked out", "very sad" and the " most difficult child" in their group. HELLO?
This girl has been ripped from everything that was familiar to her, whether good or bad, thrown in a car, which they have probably never been in, handed over to people who look nothing like her, and she can't understand anything they say. Why is it that most people understand the trauma of a rescued dog better than they understand the trauma of a child in this situation?:
The article had some other information that I hadn't really thought about also:

"Hugging, snuggling , kissing and closely held feeding all instruct a baby in the 'art of intimacy", communication and happiness with a mother, father or other attachment figure. These are the building blocks of love.
But what if love,kindness and delight don't envelope the baby?If she is fed from a bottle that is propped against the bars of a crib, or lies in soiled diapers for long hours; if no one burbles baby talk to her and no one rejoices when she rolls over and no one comes when she cries, the baby stops reaching out. As the infant withdraws and shuts down, her brain fails to develop key pathways, the elemental approaches to love. 'LOVE IS A DUET, NOT A SOLO"

The little girl is the story would run to strange men and women for hugs. "Attachment experts say this is a sign of discriminate affection. It is a signal of a child who does not know to whom she belongs. LIGHT BULB ( for me). The family struggled through day to day and now they have a beautiful, outgoing 7 year old daughter whom they could not live without.
I guess it impressed me that even though they didn't get what they expected, they lived up to their responsibilities as parents.In the time when no one seems to step up the the plate and take responsibility for their actions, it struck a chord. Sometimes it is worth if to follow the winding path.


Bonding grows slowly, day by day, with our Gracie. Today, she just looked at and touched my face as if she was just realizing that we weren't that different. She fell asleep snuggled next to me on the couch last night! WHoo HOO! Usually she just zips right off my lap as soon as the bottle is finished. She still won't put her arm around my neck but Hey, I hang in there for the little baby steps. I remember how I felt the first time Joy Lin told me she loved me and how fireworks went off everywhere! When Gracie does it, there will probably be a huge mushroom cloud of happiness!
The thing that makes be crazy is when she cries and I go to comfort her and she pushes me away. She lets me pick her up but pushes my face away if I try to kiss her. It makes me angry that no one was there to do that little bit of comforting for her when she was a baby. So I just keep doing what I do and wait patiently for the day that those little arms wrap themselves around me.

Food therapy.

Friday we went to Advent Feeding Clinic in Bethlehem. Now, I didn't know anything about food therapy before. They will concentrate on EVERY aspect of getting Gracie to eat and bringing her up speed developmentally. They have a swallowing therapist as well as a speech therapist who will help her to learn to swallow, now that her palate is closed, and help her to learn to close her mouth. How they will do that, I have no idea. But I guess we will learn. Because of the hole when her palate was open, her tongue is always out of her mouth, so this is supposed to take care of that problem as well.
When you don't have a "special needs" child , there are so many things you take for granted. Gracie is on the lower spectrum of the special needs scale but she is behind enough developmentally to qualify for therapy. But there are so many kids out there with needs greater than hers. it took us a while to decide to switch to the "Waiting Child" or "Special Needs" program because we weren't sure we could deal with the extras that come with the child's condition. Now in hindsight, it was one of the two best things we ever did. The "special needs"actually made her more special if only that it opened our eyes that there was NO difference between a special needs child and a non-special needs child- they both blossom when love is poured on them.

Attachment.

Sometimes I worry about attachment with Gracie. I am completely attached to her but she is taking her time in showing affection, except for her favorite puppy of course. I don't think she completely understands affection yet and I guess that is normal.
She is such a homebody. I think she isn't comfortable in crowds of people. She always takes the hand of whoever she is with and heads for the door. The other day I had to leave the girls at my sister's while we went to my uncle's viewing. When we came to pick them up she ALMOST ran toward us but she stopped. She had to look at both of us and make sure we were hers and then she came to both Chris and I and grabbed us both by the fingers and headed toward the door, as if to say, OK Can we go NOW?

Cousin Savannah and I both decided that Gracie needs a little thought bubble to float over her head and tell us what she is thinking. She is getting very good at communicating without words. When she can't she gets frustrated and mad. She is experimenting with her voice, making new sounds that are not all through her nose, like they are usually with the cleft palate. Today she was "singing" as she was playing her cardboard box "drum:. It's so amazing to see the difference between Gracie today and Gracie in China.
We start food therapy on Friday. This should be interesting.