Responsibility.

Last year there was a news story about a woman decided she could no longer care for her 7-year old adopted son, so she had her mother put him on a plane back to Russia, ALONE. This case sent shockwaves through the International adoption community so strong that even those of us adopting from other countries feared the fallout from this disaster. No matter what problems the child may have, there is no excuse for such behavior. Last month's Good Housekeeping magazine had a piece on two families who had difficulties with their adoptions but chose to deal with them instead of run away from them. They accepted their responsibilities as parents.
One of the two families was very similar to our own adoption story in that they adopted a 2 year old girl from China , but that is the only similarity. However, I found the piece interesting because it seems like alot of people have the concept that bonding with your new child will occur instantly. That is not the case in most cases.
With this family, the father went over to pick up the child while the mother stayed at home with their two boys. From the start the father told the mother the child was "angry", "freaked out", "very sad" and the " most difficult child" in their group. HELLO?
This girl has been ripped from everything that was familiar to her, whether good or bad, thrown in a car, which they have probably never been in, handed over to people who look nothing like her, and she can't understand anything they say. Why is it that most people understand the trauma of a rescued dog better than they understand the trauma of a child in this situation?:
The article had some other information that I hadn't really thought about also:

"Hugging, snuggling , kissing and closely held feeding all instruct a baby in the 'art of intimacy", communication and happiness with a mother, father or other attachment figure. These are the building blocks of love.
But what if love,kindness and delight don't envelope the baby?If she is fed from a bottle that is propped against the bars of a crib, or lies in soiled diapers for long hours; if no one burbles baby talk to her and no one rejoices when she rolls over and no one comes when she cries, the baby stops reaching out. As the infant withdraws and shuts down, her brain fails to develop key pathways, the elemental approaches to love. 'LOVE IS A DUET, NOT A SOLO"

The little girl is the story would run to strange men and women for hugs. "Attachment experts say this is a sign of discriminate affection. It is a signal of a child who does not know to whom she belongs. LIGHT BULB ( for me). The family struggled through day to day and now they have a beautiful, outgoing 7 year old daughter whom they could not live without.
I guess it impressed me that even though they didn't get what they expected, they lived up to their responsibilities as parents.In the time when no one seems to step up the the plate and take responsibility for their actions, it struck a chord. Sometimes it is worth if to follow the winding path.


Bonding grows slowly, day by day, with our Gracie. Today, she just looked at and touched my face as if she was just realizing that we weren't that different. She fell asleep snuggled next to me on the couch last night! WHoo HOO! Usually she just zips right off my lap as soon as the bottle is finished. She still won't put her arm around my neck but Hey, I hang in there for the little baby steps. I remember how I felt the first time Joy Lin told me she loved me and how fireworks went off everywhere! When Gracie does it, there will probably be a huge mushroom cloud of happiness!
The thing that makes be crazy is when she cries and I go to comfort her and she pushes me away. She lets me pick her up but pushes my face away if I try to kiss her. It makes me angry that no one was there to do that little bit of comforting for her when she was a baby. So I just keep doing what I do and wait patiently for the day that those little arms wrap themselves around me.