More on attachment.

Joy Lin was 13 months old when we met her. We all bonded immediately,( except for the time we gave her a suppository to get her to "poo-poo"- I think she thought better of the new-found trust she had given us at that point!). In fact, all of the families , for the most part, bonded by the end of our two week journey. Most of our children were under 15 months though.
Our trip with Gracie was different. Some of the girls bonded with just the dad, to the point that mom wasn't allowed to do anything almost. One bonded mostly to mom. Gracie seemed to be fine with either of us. But she cried.... ALOT-when we were out in public. In the quiet of our hotel rooms, she was totally different.
I Do feel that Gracie is bonding with us and is an integral part of our family. But affection is taking a long time coming to an impatient mama.
I have been doing some reading and found some points about attachment:

For normal emotional development, babies need a primary caregiver who responds quickly, consistently and lovingly to their demands, so they learn that their needs for food, clean diapers, pain relief, etc will be met. Through these interactions, they develop trust and attachment. Babies need to feel that their world is safe and secure. The baby has an internal cycle of need-rage-relief-trust, which should be completed hundreds and hundreds of times. Babies also need a one-on-one interaction with a caring individual who cuddles, plays interactive games, sings and talks to them. They need to be touched, to receive and give smiles, and to get lots of eye contact from a loving caregiver. This consistent, constant, warm and playful interaction with the caregiver is how a baby learns to receive and to give love.


Orphanages cannot provide continuous individual one-on-one care. In many institutions, a succession of nurses give minimal physical care, changing diapers infrequently, occasionally washing the babies, and propping bottles so the babies feed themselves. Babies are left alone for long hours in their cribs. With a ratio of one caregiver to perhaps ten or twenty babies, she cannot attend to each infant when the baby cries from hunger, pain, and discomfort, or for attention. When she does not respond to crying, the babies never learn to trust that their demands will be met. Nor do they get the cuddling, baby games, baby talk, and other playful interaction they need.. As a result, babies may give up trying to get their needs met, and feel only the emotions of rage, helplessness, fear and shame, never developing the trust, and the sense that the world is safe and secure, that are essential for successful attachment.



I don't see Gracie never developing trust. SHe has come SO FAR from the little crying girl that we met in September. I am just in a hurry for hugs and kisses. So I guess I will have to cherish tickles and when she falls asleep on my lap for now!