Change.

I don't seem to handle change well lately. Before Christmas, Grace's longtime therapist, Heather, left the agency she worked for. I said before losing someone who works so well and so long with your child is like losing a family member. It's now in the hands of the school district to put a 1:1 "para" to be with Grace. We also don't know if she will be able to get therapist services as she has in the past. They were denied due to a misunderstanding of her epilepsy and now we have to appeal in order to get them reinstated.

So right now we are in limbo, of sorts.

Last week was like the first week of kindergarten for me because I knew Heather would not be there for my girl. I experienced panic attacks like I haven't in years. I still am. The holiday was hard for me.

Even a holiday trip to Biltmore Estate in Asheville couldn't lift my spirit for Christmas.

She did very well during our trip. It was after that with all the Christmas excitement when we started to have some issues. She was so excited for presents( a new word for her) and Santa that we got overstimulated. I am starting to feel a little autistic myself when I am in loud crowds so I am starting to understand a little bit more.

She was so exited Christmas Day! 

She just is sooooo aware now! 

But after all the holiday hoopla I felt I needed to distance myself from her on Sunday. She had hit me and I got upset and doesn't she come up behind me and   say Mama in a real sweet voice like she is trying to comfort me( I really think she was trying to talk me into wearing a dress  but it felt like she was trying to console me.) 

It's so hard to figure out what goes on in that head. That's why it's so important to have people who understand who she is and how she works. So if you are reading this please pray that God sends us another angel. 

Don't misunderstand -- she already has angels that are with her at school--but we need the someone who is going to be   with her to A: want to be with her and B: stay with her for a while.