As good as yesterday was, today was really BAD. From the moment we walked in, she was off key. She started to gretz at the table and didn't stop. Before the final feeding, I really couldn't get her under control. Trisch tried. I tried. By the end of the session, she wouldn't listen to anything. These times make me feel like I am back in the "fishbowl" that was the dining area of the restaurant in China. There, no matter who it was, white or Chinese, if your child was screaming and you couldn't calm them down, you were a BAD PARENT> at least that's what you felt like because every EYE was on you. Now, it's not like that at Advent at all, but I FEEL like the bad parent. I know Trisch and Susan and Carey Anne have seen all that and more but it still makes me feel like I am not doing the right thing. It's just me. BUt before my nephew came along and I became aware of autism and Asperberger's Syndrome, I must admit I would be one of those judgmental parents. I have come to understand, first hand, that when someone's child is acting out of hand, it might not be something they, or the child, can control and not "bad behavior" at all.
Chris said the other day that he wished we had gotten her when she was 1, not just to have had her earlier, but so she wouldn't have been neglected for so long and not been able to get the attention she deserved. But all that matters is that she is here now. We will get through it all and in 6 or 9 months, we probably won't be able to recognize her.
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