Loss.

Today we lost our first "baby", our puppy, Sambuca. She was our baby when I couldn't have a baby , before I had the girls. She had been sick for a couple of weeks but we didn't think it was as serious as it was. She had an enlarged heart, fluid in her lungs, and pancreatitis. Buca has always been a sickly girl. We got her from a pet store. NEVER will I do that again.
It was Buca that got Chris used to having toys all over the floor. It was Buca that we bought the beach house for so we could vacation with her(mostly). It was Buca that was our guard dog, not that big thing, Tasha. We ended up sharing custody with Aunt Peewee and Uncle Roger because, ever since we left her with them to go to China to get Joy, she decided that Roger and Peewee were her "persons". Roger and Peewee got tail wags that I never managed to get.
But, I was the one who slept with her on the sofa the first night we got her... and the second and the third. I was the one who took care of her when she was sick or when she had her surgeries. I was the one who dropped her in the pet store and then cried to Chris that I dropped the dog so we had to go back and get her. I was the one who named her Sambuca before we even got her.(because she was black and we liked black sambuca.)

Buca with mighty mouse, Hershey.

I read a book by Marc Levin about losing a dog, and was deeply moved by it. But you don't realize how much they take over your life till they are no longer a part of it. There is a big cavity left open in our hearts tonight and we will miss her dearly.