Today Gracie told me that her favorite toy needed batteries. I am not kidding. She told me to put her in her crib , then she pointed to her favorite toy, a musical waterfall that hangs on her crib, and told me to take it off. Silly me, I thought she just wanted to slam untie it so she could bang it around. Stupid mom, it's time to change the batteries. She insisted I turn it on and listen to it and sure enoug it made that wah-wah flat sound that meant it was tim to change the batteries, So I took it off ( like she originally told me to) and fixed it. She is too smart.
We had a small birthday party for Gracie yesterday. Just grandparents and fairy godmothers. I thought something small would be best because she still gets out of sorts with lots of people. Poor peanut, by cake time she was all discombobulated and wanted nothing to do with the small cupcake we gave her. She still has no idea what to do with presents (although she did take some interest in the gift, but not in opening them) and she looked at the cake with candles like it was something from another planet. She only wanted to go on her swing, nothing else.
It just boggles my mind what she must think now and what she must have gone through in the orphanage. She is 3 in years but not in development. She is just really celebrating her first birthday and she has no idea how truly special this day is. So we will have a BIG party for her in September for her Gotcha Day, which to me, is her real birthday.
I found out at therapy that although we got her in September, her real sense of permanency could only be considered to have started in January, AFTER she had her surgery. Evidently, only after we stuck with her during and after her surgery could it have started to stick in her mind that we weren't going anywhere.
Later on, we watched the 25th year anniversary concert of Les Miserables with Joy Lin because she is getting interested in musical theatre (because we watch GLEE together.) She actually sat through the entire show, which I didn't think she would( I think it helped that Nick Jonas , of the Jonas Brothers was in it.!). That was the last show on Broadway that I saw with my mother many years ago and I still cannot get through the song, "Bring Him Home", without bawling like a baby. She was fighting breast cancer at the time .Listening to the words of the songs after losing her makes me wonder what was going through her mind at that time. She was too protective of my sister and I through her illness and we were too immature to really grasp the seriousness of our situation at the time. We were in denial.
And now, however many years later, I was to embarrassed to tell Joy why I was sitting there and crying my eyes out. I intend to talk to her about it today.I hope that I will be able to share many joys with both of them and give them alot of things that my mother wasn't able to give me. I hope also that she'd be proud.
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