Where's Gracie?!
Every day is another small step. Today Gracie took me into Joy's room and got me to stop where her new ipod player is- she wanted to listen to the music!!!! She puts her blanket over her head by herself and waits till we say "Where's Gracie?" then pulls it off! She took me to the garage door around the time that Joy Lin comes home on the bus. She wanted to go out in the car.
I put her in her crib to see if she would take a nap. Then I went up an hour later, because I knew she wasn't asleep, and found her minus her pants AND diaper!!! She was sooooo tired today ( because she was up at 4:30!!!) she went upstairs by herself and I found her by her crib trying to take her clothes off by herself.
She may not have words yet but she sure does let you know what she wants!!!
Changes.
Gracie is communicating with us non-verbally. She will take any one of us by the hand and show us what she wants us to do- like make her a bottle or turn on her toy or even just to play with her. We play with her by snatching her blankie from her to make her laugh. Well, now she turns it on us and gives us the blanket so SHE can take it from US!. She may not have the words yet but she is pretty clear about her message. Her frustration comes when she can't translate to us what she wants. Then she goes into meltdown mode if she is overly tired.
It is so awesome to be able to watch her and see the changes in her daily.
Eating.
Gracie still only takes formula from a bottle. We have tried to put things in her mouth and she will have NONE of it. Her report from the orphanage said that she "enjoyed" sweet things. No way. We tried pudding, icing, applesauce. We even tried hot apple juice because she will only take her formula if it is the right degree of hot.
Well, I was enlightened again last nite as I continued to read "Silent Tears": Mrs. Bratt writes of one of their girls who just turned two at the orphanage:
"The staff decided it was time to take Jia Jia( who just turned two) off the bottle.While their decision may have been right the way they went about it brought tears to our eyes. ... Tilly, the nurse, with whom we had problems in the past, pulled up a chair in front of Jia Jia. She loudly declared that it was time to change Jia Jia's diet from milk to rice-NO MORE BOTTLES.Without any kind of coaxing, she proceeded to FORCE some rice into Jia Jia's mouth. The child had never had anthing other than bottled milk, so naturally she was upset-She immediately spat it out, angering Tilly....(Tilly's) face contorted with rage, she screamed at Jia Jia and continued shoving in spoon after spoonful. Jia Jia tried blocking her mouth with her hands(Gracie does this) prompting Tilly and another earth to TIE HER HANDS to the stroller. At this point, Jia Jia was hysterical...."
It continues on that they would not let the child have a bottle after they stopped fighting with her. The author was at least able to comfort the child but they would not let her feed her.
If this had not happened to the author in 2004, I would have thought she was describing our Xu Hai Ying. Something similar to this MUST have happened to Gracie. Why else would she not even let you approach her with a spoon? It would have just taken a little bit of time to gradually introduce the children to something completely different from what they were used to.
I never really thought about what it was like for Joy in the orphanage. She was only 13 months when we got her and she was considered one of the pretty ones. Gracie spent over 2 years in that environment.
If I had the opportunity to help in an orphanage in Chine ( as I would like to do someday) I don't know if I would have Mrs. Bratt's self control. But she had to restrain herself or the orphanage could have decided not to let her volunteers continue.
This week we start food therapy so we will see how it goes. Our little friend, Coco, who has been fighting a rare form of pediatric cancer and succeeding, just started her therapy so maybe she can give us tips. With how stubborn Gracie is, this should be an interesting experience!
Things we take for granted.
More from the book, "Silent Tears':
" In China, many children with cleft palates or cleft lips die because of complications or starvation. If they do survive, they are shunned by society their entire lives. Some are abandoned and brought to orphanages...China has more than it's share of these cleft lip and palate babies. Research doesn't have all the answers as to why they are born this way, but there is a great deal of evidence suggesting it is likely the deficiency of folic acid in the pregnant mother's diet. Most Chinese women are too poor to afford prenatal care or even simple vitamins...."
"Because of the cleft deformity, these babies have a difficult time sucking. It is heartbreaking to see the effort it takes them to drink milk with it coming out of their noses or spilling over their faces. THey often go hungry because the workers don't have enough time to spend on feeding them properly. "Kay Bratt
When I first got Gracie's picture I couldn't find what was wrong with her. We were planning to accept a "special needs' child. All I could see was a gap in the top of her lip. Other than that she looked fine. To the Chinese, in many cases, flaw of any nature are unacceptable. Also, a rural family would most likely not be able to afford the surgery needed to fix the problem. The fact that she spent over two years in an orphanage for this minor flaw boggles my mind. If she would have been born here, the US, the "flaw" would have been fixed before she was a year old. The younger the children are , the faster they recover from the surgery.
We take for granted many of the freedoms and "luxuries" that this great country has given us. We take for granted everyday comforts that God has given us. I cannot express in words how grateful I am that God chose our family to offer our Gracie, Xu Hai Ying as she was called in the orphanage unconditional love for the rest of her life. I think we can make up for 2 years.
Watching Gracie Grow.
During our days at home together, I have fun just watching Gracie as she moves around the house. She explores everything and her favorite things are board books. She loves to just sit with a book and flip back and forth with it and feel the textures on the pages. The fuzzy books are her favorites. But she has just started to look at the ones without. Her new favorite is "Good Dog Carl!
She explores everything with her hands. Her hands must have been her favorite toy in the orphanage because she is fascinated with them.
Today as I was checking my email I realized she had been playing with the little piano we had gotten for Joy Lin--for about 10 minutes! The video is posted is mostly of my future pianist, but it shows how she cracks up when she sees the camera flash go off. Now it doesn't even have to flash, she just laughs at the camera.!?! Today she wedged her way all the way behind the christmas tree and stood there laughing. I don't think there is any sweeter sound than hearing her laugh.
Her other new thing is a little odd and her father hates it. She lays on the hardwood floor on her belly and makes spit bubbles! mountains of spit bubbles? Is you are anywhere in the kitchen or great room you can actually hear her making them up!. It drives Chris crazy! Someday soon I'll have to post video of that.
Oh well. Another nut for the nuthouse. God surely knows where to send them
More about Chinese orphanages.
As I read this book, Silent Tears, my wonder more about what Gracie might have gone through.
Kay Bratt writes more:
"When we first arrived we began taking babies out of cribs and lining them up on the donated soft mats on the floor. The ayis disapprove of this, but we insist-the babies are ON THEIR BACKS on confined to their cribs day and night.The workers remove them only for a quick bath or cold spray under the tap;most of them have painful head sores from this unnatural confinement.We have one hour to play before feeding, so we make the most of this time and get as many babies active as possible." (Mrs. Bratt and one other volunteer were allowed in ONE DAY per week).
" I sat on the floor in front of four babies while holding one in my lap... Our affection makes a great difference- before we begin they look utterly bored and listless, and afterward they are much more animated and lively."
"...a cart was wheeled in with 10 bottles of milk and six bowls of rice. There are usually 22 babies so they must always share this meager bit of nutrition....
"When we finished the feedings,we were instructed to pull off all their clothes so they could be taken one by one to a bath. The babies are all washed in the same bath water- how hygienic can this be? They are (literally) dumped into their cribs along with a clean shirt or clothes for us to dress them in."
The report we were given about Gracie said that she ate 4 bottles of mixed formula and rice milk a day. When we got her, once we figured out how to get her to eat, two or three days later she was up to almost 9 bottles a day. What does that tell you. Now she is a solid girl and she gets her nutrition through the formula but can you imagine how hungry she must have been?
I just see her in my head, sitting in her crib most of the time, playing with her hands or a string if she was lucky. That's what she does now. With all the toys she now has, she is content to take a string and sit by the window sill, turning it over in her hands.
It really is amazing to watch her as she opens up to new things. We were at big sister's basket ball practice this week, and instead of wanting me to pick her up and hold her, she was ready to go out on the court and see what the girls were doing.So each day is a new day and a new experience and we thank God every day for having sent her to us.
Gracie's developement
Gracie was in a Chinese orphanage for 2 years and 4 months. In that time, she didn't get the attention a normal American child gets from day one. I've often wondered what the institutions where the girls came from were like, but not enough to want to visit. My feelings are that that part of there lives ended when they were handed to us, plus I know that if I visited one, I would want to bring home six more children.
I just started reading a book called "Silent Tears". The author, Kay Bratt, moved to China with her husband when he received a promotion from his company. She was able to volunteer at an orphanage close to where they lived and she writes about what she saw in the orphanage.
She writes upon her first visit:
As we entered the nursery the tragedy of it all struck me. The room was actually two open rooms joined by a half wall.On the one side were 20 metal cradles lined up for the bed babies-the ones who could not sit up-and on the other side were fifteen little wooden toddler beds for the babies seven months and up-those who could not walk.As soon as they could toddle they were moved to the next room, called the Kindergarten room. As I looked over the babies, I was shocked at the birth defects, disabilities and LACK of HUMAN CONTACT apparent in their listless eyes.....the room help approximately 25 babies and nowhere could I see any toys or diversions to entertain them:nor were there any coverings or soft padding to make them more comfortable. THey just lay in their cribs crying or staring vacantly at the water damaged ceiling and filthy walls.....Most of the babies had bedsores on the backs of their heads from lying in a crib all day (Gracie has a bald spot). Because of the lack of mobility, they had not developed muscle tone and most could not sit up, roll over or lift their heads. ... The nannies did not appear to understand why we gravitated toward the handicapped. It was obvious that they ignored the children in need and gave all their attention to the pretty ones who did not have disabilities."
Some people have asked if Gracie might be autistic. She might be, I don't know. If she is we will do what we have to do. But from what I've seen even just since her surgery, I think she is developmentally behind by a year. I think it's hard for us to imagine a child without simple human contact. Babies here get love and attention from day one. It's hard for me to think of her as not having anyone to hold her or snuggle with her. Especially when she had her lip repaired. Was she by herself? Was someone there to care for her or just give her her medication?
She has changed so much from the crying baby that we met in China. She is blossoming into a sweet girl! She communicates with me and her dad( She came up to him while he was in the kitchen and actually handed him her bottle). She comes and takes us by the hand, (with a puzzle piece in hers) and takes us to the puzzle to help her with it. I thought that was pretty smart. She is finding nonverbal ways to tell us what she wants.
I just got to thinking of what it would be like, sitting in her crib, day after day, with almost no stimulation.
It's not something I want to think about but it helps to understand some of her different behaviors. Whatever comes our way, she was given to us for a reason and we will take care of her without question.
Each day brings a new smile. Especially since we found that she laughs at the camera flash!
Surgery.
Yesterday we arrived at CHOP to have Gracie's palate fixed. When I think of all the people that must bring their children to hospitals everyday, I wonder at their courage and fortitude. I couldn't do it. I was here one night with her( with a possible second looming) and I hate it. Don't get me wrong. These institutions and what they do for these children are amazing but to have to watch your child here is....
The surgeon said , afterward, that the surgery was "hard". Poor baby was swollen and her lips were all bloody. Gracie's only way of comforting herself when she is upset is sucking her thumb AND tucking her blankie( or wooby) under her chin. Well, now she cannot suck her thumb for a week.... A WEEK!. Last night was hellish. The meds wore off an hour before they were scheduled so she woke up and cried for an hour before they gave her the next dose. So I had to wrestle with her till the meds kicked in. I felt so bad for her. I did this to her. I made her miserable.
But there are so many kids here with more severe problems. I thank God that he blessed us with two healthy kids. My heart goes out to all those people supporting their children with serious problems. CHildren should not have to suffer. But they are the strongest of all God's creations.
We know several friends who are supporting their children through difficult times and our prayers go out to them everyday.
I count my blessings everyday , especially the two that were "made in China".
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