Into the Past.

I saw Into The Woods last weekend with Joy. I had seen it on stage many years ago and it always left a mark on me.
I was surprised that Joy liked it a lot.
Anyway, I had  a lot in common with Cinderalla, Jack and Little Red Riding hood., in the story.
 They all lost their mother's in the woods. When I lost my mother,  I was lost in the woods.
My mother was the glue to our family. We ALWAYS got together weekly with our aunts and cousins. We saw my grandparents a lot. We were tight knit.
Then my mother got cancer.
She hid the seriousness of her condition from my sister and me.  We were young, and in denial as well.
I've had so many regrets since then, the biggest being that
I wasn't with her when she died.
None of us were.  There was a nurse who knew her that was with her.       But I wasn't.

The Song:
Mother isn't here now                    Wrong things, right things
Who knows what she'd say            who can say what's true
Nothings quite so clear now            Do things, fight things
Feel you've lost your way                You decide but
You are not alone                              Believe me
No one is alone                                Truly

At that time, I thought I was alone.
We didn't have anyone in the family that came to look after us.  Not really.
The family get- togethers stopped because my mother was the one who wove us all together.
When she died, the extended family ties unraveled.

I have people in my life now who would have come then, if they had known me then.
I guess that's the point.
I see now that I wasn't alone. I thought the song would make me cry. It didn't
It made me see things differently.

It goes on,
People make mistakes,                     fathers, mothers
People make mistakes,
Holding to their own,                       thinking their alone.
Honor their mistakes                        everybody makes
Fight for their mistakes                    one another's terrible mistakes

I was mad at my mother for not letting us help her like we could have had we known truly how sick she was.
But now, from a parent's perspective, I see things in the play and the words differently.
"Honor their mistakes..."
"Fight for their mistakes..."
I can see her point of view. ( I didn't tell my daughter when I was having my hysterectomy why I was having it.- but she was 10)
But that doesn't mean I am not going to chew her out when I SEE her again.

Just remember                              Just remember
Someone is on your side              OUR side
Someone else is not
While we're seeing our side         OUR side
Someone else is not
THEY are not alone
No one is alone.

We have made an extended family that is stronger than blood. Not just the girls, but the people in our lives that we KNOW we can count on.... they are (mostly) not connected to us by  blood. But by Love.

This is for Angela, because she has ALWAYS been there
and Susan, because she ALWAYS will be.

Autism. Yay. Part...?

This (above) is for Grace(and my neice Savannah).

Gracie couldn't fall asleep tonite.

I don't know why. 

There was hollering and banging so I went to help?

I think she had a headache.

She kept hitting herself and her head. Hard. I try to prevent this when it goes on. No one else in the house seemed to notice. 

It is SO frustrating when you can't get what she needs because you don't know what the problem is!!'

It kills me when I can't help her.

So I just stayed with her to try and stop the hitting. I got my phone out to play music and she hijacked it. But it calmed her down at least. Then we put her virtual puppy to sleep and she finally went to sleep.

Glenn Beck talked about special needs kids- he has one. He said he thinks they are on a "higher spiritual plane" than us- typical people . I so agree with that. 

My sister said something similar when we first got Grace. My nephew has Aspergers so she knows too. But some people just don't get them. At All.

And I get that, too. But all you have to do is try a little to understand them and you'll see it too.